Just finished reading this wonderful little book by Henri Nouwen, and honestly teared up a few times. The reminders he offers in it are pretty difficult to swallow, while at the same time being fairly revolutionary.
The book was written as a series of lectures that he delivered on Christian leadership in the 21st century. The more I read the more I wanted to read. The more I thought "yes! this is what we are all missing today. this is why church is broken."
Nouwen offers that many times we are tempted to lead, Jesus is really calling us to the servant mentality of allowing ourselves to be led. We should regularly end up going where we don't want to go, and experiencing things we don't want to experience. And I kept thinking it felt really familiar.
Sometimes I just ask Jesus to let me give up on being in ministry, but I am reminded that this is where he wants me. My theological reflection leads me to trust and follow, even thought sometimes it is incredibly hard. And after reading Nouwen, I have more hope that I am doing the right thing.
At the end of the book, he talks about how he took a man who is mentally retarded with him to his leadership event. The whole time they talked about "doing it together" and after Nouwen had finished speaking, his friend stood up to say a few words. Then his friend spent time meeting people and getting to know those in attendance. His friend was not particularly well-spoken, but the whole point of it was to do it together. Jesus wants us to let others participate in the ministry, even if sometimes they don't do a great job. And that's really humbling to me.
2.17.2011
2.13.2011
February
Ok, really dropping the ball on my blogging resolution.
Finished up my month of diet pretty well. Ended up -14 for the month. Not as good as I hoped, but I fit into small jeans now... so that's good.
As for loving Robin better, I surprised her pretty well with an anniversary gift, so I think I'm doing pretty well on that...
Reading, I have finished 11 books so far this year, so well ahead of pace. Still sucking at my language discipline, so time to get that in gear.
I have been thinking about church quite a bit recently, and one of the main things I have come to realize is that I need to learn to appreciate wherever we are. I definitely don't mean that I should allow myself to be complacent and to think that we have arrived. But I do mean that I should learn to enjoy the ride and to be grateful for the victories that we do have.
We have had some really positive things happen since Refuge started. Just the other night I listened as people on our leadership team poured their hearts out to one another. That wasn't happening when we first started.
I meet weekly with a guy who has never really spent much time thinking about God, but since becoming part of our church he says every day has something to do with God.
We have been provided for every step of the way, we are looking to go on an overseas mission trip this calendar year, and we fight pretty well. No, Refuge is anything but perfect. But, Refuge is functional and loving. And that makes me hopeful and grateful. I can only hope we continue to grow in love and hopefully continue to add those who are not churched. If nothing else, God has been teaching me through this whole process.
Finished up my month of diet pretty well. Ended up -14 for the month. Not as good as I hoped, but I fit into small jeans now... so that's good.
As for loving Robin better, I surprised her pretty well with an anniversary gift, so I think I'm doing pretty well on that...
Reading, I have finished 11 books so far this year, so well ahead of pace. Still sucking at my language discipline, so time to get that in gear.
I have been thinking about church quite a bit recently, and one of the main things I have come to realize is that I need to learn to appreciate wherever we are. I definitely don't mean that I should allow myself to be complacent and to think that we have arrived. But I do mean that I should learn to enjoy the ride and to be grateful for the victories that we do have.
We have had some really positive things happen since Refuge started. Just the other night I listened as people on our leadership team poured their hearts out to one another. That wasn't happening when we first started.
I meet weekly with a guy who has never really spent much time thinking about God, but since becoming part of our church he says every day has something to do with God.
We have been provided for every step of the way, we are looking to go on an overseas mission trip this calendar year, and we fight pretty well. No, Refuge is anything but perfect. But, Refuge is functional and loving. And that makes me hopeful and grateful. I can only hope we continue to grow in love and hopefully continue to add those who are not churched. If nothing else, God has been teaching me through this whole process.
1.24.2011
Dang. And Ethics....
Oops. So... grade for weekly posting-- F. Sorry team
Grade for diet for this week, D+. Had a serious relapse yesterday, ate most of a thing of crazy bread and drank a DP. It was just so good. Gained a pound back. I'm still at minus 12 pounds for the month, hoping to rally this week and end up at minus 17-20 or so by a week from today, so I have my work cut out for me. Hopefully I can finish strong.
Language grade- 0. I have done nothing on it and am ashamed of that.
Reading grade- A-. I have read well, but have a couple books that I need to put to sleep this week. Next week is vacation so will only read fiction that week, should easily kill 2-5 that week.
Loving spouse grade- B?- I'm making a more concerted effort to ask questions and listen better, but still much improvement to do.
Ethics:
I have been thinking a lot about ethics this past couple weeks. I spend (too much) some time on reddit.com while at work, and probably 95% of the vocal posters there are aggressive atheists, meaning they can't let a post go by without criticising Christianity. And we probably deserve quite a bit of criticism.
However, one criticism I believe is off-target. Many will say that they do not need some "flying spaghetti monster" to tell them how to be a moral person. I think they couldn't be further from the truth. I want to submit that the only biblical measure of ethics is relationship.
Now, this idea is certainly not original with me, but I'm not sure who to credit with it, so I just want to at least claim that I am not taking credit for the idea.
Some of us like to pretend that there are two ideas floating around of "good" and "evil" and that they are completely objective. I think "good" and "evil" are 100% subjective. They are completely and totally products of relationship. No rule is arbitrary, but every part of good ethics is relationship.
The only correct relationship from human to human is one of altruistic love. The only correct way to view others is that they are more important than us. That is the only ethic we are called to.
The only correct way to have relationship from human to God is one of obedient love. The relationship of creator to creature places us where we might sometimes follow God's command even if it seems arbitrary for us. The reason being that God has revealed himself in and as love, thus if we are to be in correct relation to him, then we must trust that he has our best interests in mind. We will never completely understand, but that is not for the creature to decide.
The difficulty is determining what God told us to do and when he told us to do it. If someone claims that they were told by God to blow up a building, does that mean we trust them and hand them some C4? I think we have to judge each instance separately, but I think we can generally say that blowing things up is not in line with love. So if God is love, then God would not command us to do something unloving.
Blowing up a building is an easy target (pun intended), but what about something like telling someone the brutal, honest truth? When is that appropriate? I think at that point we have to judge ourselves and ask our creator for wisdom. We will end up in gray areas, but we must constantly be looking at motivation and examing ourselves constantly.
Grade for diet for this week, D+. Had a serious relapse yesterday, ate most of a thing of crazy bread and drank a DP. It was just so good. Gained a pound back. I'm still at minus 12 pounds for the month, hoping to rally this week and end up at minus 17-20 or so by a week from today, so I have my work cut out for me. Hopefully I can finish strong.
Language grade- 0. I have done nothing on it and am ashamed of that.
Reading grade- A-. I have read well, but have a couple books that I need to put to sleep this week. Next week is vacation so will only read fiction that week, should easily kill 2-5 that week.
Loving spouse grade- B?- I'm making a more concerted effort to ask questions and listen better, but still much improvement to do.
Ethics:
I have been thinking a lot about ethics this past couple weeks. I spend (too much) some time on reddit.com while at work, and probably 95% of the vocal posters there are aggressive atheists, meaning they can't let a post go by without criticising Christianity. And we probably deserve quite a bit of criticism.
However, one criticism I believe is off-target. Many will say that they do not need some "flying spaghetti monster" to tell them how to be a moral person. I think they couldn't be further from the truth. I want to submit that the only biblical measure of ethics is relationship.
Now, this idea is certainly not original with me, but I'm not sure who to credit with it, so I just want to at least claim that I am not taking credit for the idea.
Some of us like to pretend that there are two ideas floating around of "good" and "evil" and that they are completely objective. I think "good" and "evil" are 100% subjective. They are completely and totally products of relationship. No rule is arbitrary, but every part of good ethics is relationship.
The only correct relationship from human to human is one of altruistic love. The only correct way to view others is that they are more important than us. That is the only ethic we are called to.
The only correct way to have relationship from human to God is one of obedient love. The relationship of creator to creature places us where we might sometimes follow God's command even if it seems arbitrary for us. The reason being that God has revealed himself in and as love, thus if we are to be in correct relation to him, then we must trust that he has our best interests in mind. We will never completely understand, but that is not for the creature to decide.
The difficulty is determining what God told us to do and when he told us to do it. If someone claims that they were told by God to blow up a building, does that mean we trust them and hand them some C4? I think we have to judge each instance separately, but I think we can generally say that blowing things up is not in line with love. So if God is love, then God would not command us to do something unloving.
Blowing up a building is an easy target (pun intended), but what about something like telling someone the brutal, honest truth? When is that appropriate? I think at that point we have to judge ourselves and ask our creator for wisdom. We will end up in gray areas, but we must constantly be looking at motivation and examing ourselves constantly.
1.13.2011
Binding up...
I wish things didn't have to hurt. I wish that when we had crisis of faith we could waive a wand and things would instantly be fixed. I wish that the bible worked like that, that we could simply quote Psalm 91 and God would have to heal us, emotionally, mentally and physically.
As weak as we are as human creatures, we generally think of our frailty in physical terms. Why can't I survive in space, why can't I breath under water, why can't I fly?
But I think if we consider the words of Jesus and the authors of the bible, we have to confront the fact that we are weak emotionally and spiritually, not really so much physically.
Earlier this week I was really discouraged, I was frustrated with God, with our church and with my life. I asked God why things don't turn around quickly, or why everything is so slow. I didn't really get much of a response. And the beat goes on.
But as I have reflected some, I remembered the words of CS Lewis that basically say that God shouts at us in pain. Maybe God had tried to speak to me in other avenues, maybe God was trying to fix me in other ways, maybe he came to the conclusion that the only way to wake me up was with some pain. And like a good surgeon, he will not stop cutting until the bad parts are gone. And it sucks.
So when I think about the words "Blessed are the brokenhearted" I have to wonder what strange masochist calls that a blessing. But in my myopic glare, I often forget that Jesus could say that because he himself was brokenhearted.
So, I don't know that there is any inherent value in suffering, but I do know that it is a byproduct of something else.
There is a wonderful part in the Harry Potter books when Harry is raging at Dumbledore. He tells him he doesn't want to love anymore, because he doesn't want to hurt anymore. He wants to just turn his back and quit. But the reason Harry is remarkable is because he can still love even though he has been hurt so badly. And I think that is why God allows us to have our hearts broken. He needs to know if we are committed to this love thing as he is. He feels every bit of the pain we do, but he has not quit on us. My hope is that I can continue even with the pain. My hope is that the one who was broken for me can somehow heal me in the same way.
As weak as we are as human creatures, we generally think of our frailty in physical terms. Why can't I survive in space, why can't I breath under water, why can't I fly?
But I think if we consider the words of Jesus and the authors of the bible, we have to confront the fact that we are weak emotionally and spiritually, not really so much physically.
Earlier this week I was really discouraged, I was frustrated with God, with our church and with my life. I asked God why things don't turn around quickly, or why everything is so slow. I didn't really get much of a response. And the beat goes on.
But as I have reflected some, I remembered the words of CS Lewis that basically say that God shouts at us in pain. Maybe God had tried to speak to me in other avenues, maybe God was trying to fix me in other ways, maybe he came to the conclusion that the only way to wake me up was with some pain. And like a good surgeon, he will not stop cutting until the bad parts are gone. And it sucks.
So when I think about the words "Blessed are the brokenhearted" I have to wonder what strange masochist calls that a blessing. But in my myopic glare, I often forget that Jesus could say that because he himself was brokenhearted.
So, I don't know that there is any inherent value in suffering, but I do know that it is a byproduct of something else.
There is a wonderful part in the Harry Potter books when Harry is raging at Dumbledore. He tells him he doesn't want to love anymore, because he doesn't want to hurt anymore. He wants to just turn his back and quit. But the reason Harry is remarkable is because he can still love even though he has been hurt so badly. And I think that is why God allows us to have our hearts broken. He needs to know if we are committed to this love thing as he is. He feels every bit of the pain we do, but he has not quit on us. My hope is that I can continue even with the pain. My hope is that the one who was broken for me can somehow heal me in the same way.
1.10.2011
Checking in/ snow jerks
So, first to check in/update on my progress for 2011.
First: My goal of losing some weight. I have lost 6 pounds after 1 week of diet and exercise. My goal of dropping 20 by the end of January is on track. I imagine that dropping the next 14 will be harder, but can work out more if I notice stagnation. Both are hard, but the eating well is much more difficult for me. Evidently, I am ruled by my belly.
Second: My language study. I get an F+ for this. The only reason for the plus is because I have actually made plans to do this. Otherwise I have sucked it up. Meaning, I have done nothing but plan.
Third: Reading. I am doing great on this. I have roughly a week left in two pretty difficult (for me) reads. I am going to knock those out, have finished "Radical" and am on pace to get my reading done right this year.
Fourth: Being a better husband. Not sure if I can track this very well, but I think I am being more supportive and better in general. (jury still out on this one)
Fifth: Blogging. Bam! Right here suckas.
Snow jerks: So, we have had our first decent snow of the season this past weekend. And as I was driving to work, I couldn't help but think that someone in a horse-drawn carriage would have beaten me in today. I noticed that people drive very differently in the snow, so I have some of my rules and some of theirs below.
Mine
1. Lanes are unimportant at this point. Just follow the tracks other cars made before.
2. Brake often. You'll never make it to work if you wreck.
3. The goal is not to keep from sliding, but to slide in an awesome, controlled way.
4. Everyone driving faster is a jerk, and everyone driving slower is a grandma.
5. Stick to highways, doi.
Everyone else's
1. If you are in an SUV you are invincible. Drive as fast as possible while changing lanes frequently.
2. If you are in a Subaru, follow #1 while also talking on your phone.
3. Accelerate on bridges. Black ice is a myth.
4. Glare angrily at the Mazda that is driving too slow, then brake abruptly when you look back in front of you.
5. Do not yield, ever, no matter what.
First: My goal of losing some weight. I have lost 6 pounds after 1 week of diet and exercise. My goal of dropping 20 by the end of January is on track. I imagine that dropping the next 14 will be harder, but can work out more if I notice stagnation. Both are hard, but the eating well is much more difficult for me. Evidently, I am ruled by my belly.
Second: My language study. I get an F+ for this. The only reason for the plus is because I have actually made plans to do this. Otherwise I have sucked it up. Meaning, I have done nothing but plan.
Third: Reading. I am doing great on this. I have roughly a week left in two pretty difficult (for me) reads. I am going to knock those out, have finished "Radical" and am on pace to get my reading done right this year.
Fourth: Being a better husband. Not sure if I can track this very well, but I think I am being more supportive and better in general. (jury still out on this one)
Fifth: Blogging. Bam! Right here suckas.
Snow jerks: So, we have had our first decent snow of the season this past weekend. And as I was driving to work, I couldn't help but think that someone in a horse-drawn carriage would have beaten me in today. I noticed that people drive very differently in the snow, so I have some of my rules and some of theirs below.
Mine
1. Lanes are unimportant at this point. Just follow the tracks other cars made before.
2. Brake often. You'll never make it to work if you wreck.
3. The goal is not to keep from sliding, but to slide in an awesome, controlled way.
4. Everyone driving faster is a jerk, and everyone driving slower is a grandma.
5. Stick to highways, doi.
Everyone else's
1. If you are in an SUV you are invincible. Drive as fast as possible while changing lanes frequently.
2. If you are in a Subaru, follow #1 while also talking on your phone.
3. Accelerate on bridges. Black ice is a myth.
4. Glare angrily at the Mazda that is driving too slow, then brake abruptly when you look back in front of you.
5. Do not yield, ever, no matter what.
1.05.2011
Checklists
So I live my life checklist-to-checklist. I get into work in the morning and write one out, then my goal is to have it completed by the end of the day. On Saturdays I create a mental checklist of things I need to do that day, then repeat on Sundays. Those are usually pretty easy and just include things like 'read' or 'watch football' but they help me keep my goals in mind... I create a checklist before I go to the store, then just remember it by counting the items and slowly counting them off of my mental list.
So, like I said, I live my life one checklist at a time. This blog post is helping me fulfill one of my resolutions. The broccoli I choked down before starting this is helping me with another.
So my typical checklist looks something like this:
1. Clear email
2. Make callbacks
3. Check upcoming interns
4. Write intern letter
5. Update tracking, etc.
And on all the way up to 15 or so...
The only problem is that invariably I don't really follow my checklist. My actual practice checklist is:
1. Check email, only respond to those who need immediate response
2. Go to reddit.com
3. Shout something at Micah
4. Stroll around the building
5. Check reddit again
6. Check OU message board
7. Tell myself to quit slacking
8. And here we are...
No life lesson, just confession of my own sloth today.
So, like I said, I live my life one checklist at a time. This blog post is helping me fulfill one of my resolutions. The broccoli I choked down before starting this is helping me with another.
So my typical checklist looks something like this:
1. Clear email
2. Make callbacks
3. Check upcoming interns
4. Write intern letter
5. Update tracking, etc.
And on all the way up to 15 or so...
The only problem is that invariably I don't really follow my checklist. My actual practice checklist is:
1. Check email, only respond to those who need immediate response
2. Go to reddit.com
3. Shout something at Micah
4. Stroll around the building
5. Check reddit again
6. Check OU message board
7. Tell myself to quit slacking
8. And here we are...
No life lesson, just confession of my own sloth today.
12.31.2010
The late, great 2010
Doesn't really quite have any ring to it whatsoever... Well anyway, 2010 has come and gone and I'm preparing for 2011. I am looking forward to a plethora of good movies this year, a few good video games, and a chance to have a better 28th year than 27th. My 27th was anything but bad, but I want to be a better man this year. I am also extremely OCD about odd numbers, so my conundrum is always that either my age or the year are not both even, though I was born in an even year.
All that to say, I have spent some significant time working on some goals for 2011, so here we go:
Reading: Finish at least 40 new books this year, while mastering/rereading at least 10. This will probably be one of my easier goals.
Writing: 1. Blog at least once per week. And, since I haven't had this editor open since September, that will be a challenge. However, I did shoot out 52 posts last year, so I at least made the average right.
2. Begin writing seriously. No particular subject, but would like to start getting a lot of my memories written down.
Fitness: Drop about 30 pounds, and keep it off. Not sure why this is listed first, as it isn't really my main goal. My main goal is to be in much better shape. That will start, for me, by spending at least 40 minutes every morning doing cardio of some sort. Then, Mon, Tues, Thurs and Fri at least 30 minutes lifting weights. I would like to average less than 1 DP per day in 2011, and most days, Mon-Sat, spend at least 1 hour in some sort of active pursuit.
Languages: Spanish. Would like to get a basic facility with Spanish. I took five years, so hopefully it isn't incredibly difficult to get back.
Greek. Need to translate at least on letter, work my way through a vocab book, and work through a basic grammar. Need to use this daily so that I don't suck at it.
Hebrew. Would like to build my basic vocab back up. Would like to work through a basic grammar and translate a short prophet or something like that. Ok if I suck at it, but right now I'm not even approaching sucking.
Relationships: I more than anything want to be a better husband this year. I don't think I have been terrible, but Robin deserves my full effort, and sometimes I haven't given that. I want to put the same kind of work into my relationship with her as I do many other things.
I want to develop relationships with pastors in town, and meet many non-Christians. I want to start being a regular at some places.
Hopes: These things are completely out of my hands, but they are things I am hoping and praying for anyway. First, that we could get pregnant and have a kid this year. Second, that we could find a church that is either dying or wants to share their building so we can have our own place to meet. Third, to be able to be full-time at church.
My hope is that by putting some of these things out there I can hold myself accountable to do them. I want to have a better 2011 and these are things that will help me do that.
All that to say, I have spent some significant time working on some goals for 2011, so here we go:
Reading: Finish at least 40 new books this year, while mastering/rereading at least 10. This will probably be one of my easier goals.
Writing: 1. Blog at least once per week. And, since I haven't had this editor open since September, that will be a challenge. However, I did shoot out 52 posts last year, so I at least made the average right.
2. Begin writing seriously. No particular subject, but would like to start getting a lot of my memories written down.
Fitness: Drop about 30 pounds, and keep it off. Not sure why this is listed first, as it isn't really my main goal. My main goal is to be in much better shape. That will start, for me, by spending at least 40 minutes every morning doing cardio of some sort. Then, Mon, Tues, Thurs and Fri at least 30 minutes lifting weights. I would like to average less than 1 DP per day in 2011, and most days, Mon-Sat, spend at least 1 hour in some sort of active pursuit.
Languages: Spanish. Would like to get a basic facility with Spanish. I took five years, so hopefully it isn't incredibly difficult to get back.
Greek. Need to translate at least on letter, work my way through a vocab book, and work through a basic grammar. Need to use this daily so that I don't suck at it.
Hebrew. Would like to build my basic vocab back up. Would like to work through a basic grammar and translate a short prophet or something like that. Ok if I suck at it, but right now I'm not even approaching sucking.
Relationships: I more than anything want to be a better husband this year. I don't think I have been terrible, but Robin deserves my full effort, and sometimes I haven't given that. I want to put the same kind of work into my relationship with her as I do many other things.
I want to develop relationships with pastors in town, and meet many non-Christians. I want to start being a regular at some places.
Hopes: These things are completely out of my hands, but they are things I am hoping and praying for anyway. First, that we could get pregnant and have a kid this year. Second, that we could find a church that is either dying or wants to share their building so we can have our own place to meet. Third, to be able to be full-time at church.
My hope is that by putting some of these things out there I can hold myself accountable to do them. I want to have a better 2011 and these are things that will help me do that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
