faith

as robin and i begin to walk in what seems as if it will be a difficult time. i am reminded of faith. it seems like a very difficult thing, to believe in this god that is, at times, very much invisible and untouchable. i want very much to call him out, to say, hey do you realize the difficulty you are putting my beloved through, the agony she is feeling, the hard time she is having. but i know already at least a part of the answer he would give.

ye of little faith.

i doubt him after he cared so intensely and unfailingly for me and my family as we lost our primary provider, i doubt him after he has faithfully and completely provided for several mission trips that he called me to, i doubt him after he has gotten me safely thus far, still i doubt. but i can affirm, that every time, my faith, my relationship to this invisible god has been reformed, sharpened, galvanized by the crushing hammer strokes of difficulty, my faith has been shaped and molded by the adversity i have felt, why would it be any different for her?

she is on her journey as well, i believe he would say, she must have times that seem crushing, she must have times that seem like the end, otherwise she would not be refined, she would not be changed. that does not mean it is easy, no change is. but it does mean that in the end, we will look back and be grateful that we do not serve a god that promises the world, but a god that promises that some day, we will be made too great for this world, and we will only be fit for a new creation, one so fantastic that our current limited bodies would not be able to take if shown but a glimpse of it now.

that is the hope i hold, and although sometimes it feels much more like doubt, that is the faith i cherish.