Control

One thing I think that people always admire is someone who is in control. We like to believe that the ultimate in a person is a person who never loses control. Classic theism sees a God that controls the minutiae of life. People are all about control in all situations. When you ski, people remind you to not go so fast as to get out of control. People tell you to be careful when driving that you don't lose control. Commentators bemoan basketball players who play "out of control." We are fed the idea from birth that one of the quintessential aspects of humanity is the ability to control.

As I work with addicts more, I realize that for the most part, addiction is a control issue. Many times people I work with began to use, be it drugs or alcohol, because they felt a part of their life spiraling out of control. They realize that they cannot change their circumstances, so they change what they can, their mood via some substance. So, people can come and get clean, but if they do not deal with the underlying control issue, they soon relapse because they get into a world that is completely beyond their control.

Maybe humans in general are so inept at being in control because that was never the place we were supposed to be in. At least, controlling anything other than ourselves. I believe in seeking self-control with every ability I have. But I think my control should end at the boundaries of myself. I am always in danger if I seek, no matter how well-intentioned, to control someone else. I believe that is one fundamental of relationship. It violates the other if we refuse to allow them their own self-control. Obviously this is informed by my theology (or maybe vice-versa, it is always a chicken and egg prospect to determine which informs which). I believe that God only exercises control as far as he is. I believe he could go further if he wanted, but my friend Mike likes to say that God is not a rapist. And I agree.

All that to say, I think each of us has a certain struggle to maintain control of ourselves while submitting control of others. The area gets tricky because there are decisions that affect more than just ourselves. In fact, I may argue in the future, there is no such thing as a decision in a vacuum. In fact, I will have to go there later.

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