In my line(s) of work, I deal with a lot of people who are in "ministry" in various places and forms. Some are very genuine, for all I know all are, and many seem to be practicing what they preach. Some are pastors and some are parishioners, some are educated and some are not. Some are called "reverend" and some are not.
But none are called that by me.
I refuse to do it.
And sometimes I worry that I am just being a jerk. That I just like to knock people down a notch and remind them of their own fallenness, which is probably too true. But I think I have a good reason outside of my own jerkishness.
I think Jesus said it well when he told the disciples not to let anyone call them "father" or "teacher." And I think that transfers over to this. "Reverend" simply means "one who is revered" and I can only think of one guy that's ever lived that should be revered. We only have one father, and he is creator of all. We only have one teacher and he died on a cross. And there should only be one who is revered.
Now, this presents the obvious problem that I am a pastor. I feel called to pastor and would feel less whole if I was doing anything else. The word has come to be associated with feelings of reverence, of the idea that this guy has some answers and that he/she has it more together than everyone else. However, I don't think that those ideas are inherent in the word.
I think it is simply a vocation and a calling to help the people of God stay on track. It is from the word for "shepherd" and though we ultimately only have one "good" shepherd, pastors are called to be earthly shepherds while he is not here physically. Difficult calling. Difficult to be the one without dragging the others into it.
Can we really fill the shoes of the One who is good temporarily? Can we do so without transferring some of his glory (intentionally or not) onto ourselves? Can we be pastors without be "reverends"? I think we have to try. I think we have to constantly remind our people both of our call and our low station. We have to serve in practice, we have to make ourselves less. We have to tell stories that do NOT glorify us. We have to seek humility above all. And none of that is easy.
8.20.2010
Performance Pressure
What happens if I bring a really crappy sermon tomorrow night? Will people understand that I just had a hard time prepping this week? Did I have a hard time, or was I lazy?
I should have included that movie I saw. There was a much better quote in a magazine. That was most likely not very good exegesis.
Those are thoughts that run through my head weekly. I struggle because on one hand, it is pretty important to the life of our church if I do a good job. But on the other hand, God is the only one that is really all that important. But I am also important.
It is always such a struggle. I am upset with myself for not having a perfect sermon, or for forgetting an announcement, or for not prepping as much as I should.
I don't really know if I'm going anywhere with this, but I guess if I am this is what I'm thinking: I have to do my best, but I also have to recognize that my best without God's intervention will always fall short. My worst with God's intervention will still work, but I think God much less likely to intervene if I am not putting forth the effort. And honestly, it might be awhile before I can spend the kind of time I would like on sermons and bible studies and whatnot.
I should have included that movie I saw. There was a much better quote in a magazine. That was most likely not very good exegesis.
Those are thoughts that run through my head weekly. I struggle because on one hand, it is pretty important to the life of our church if I do a good job. But on the other hand, God is the only one that is really all that important. But I am also important.
It is always such a struggle. I am upset with myself for not having a perfect sermon, or for forgetting an announcement, or for not prepping as much as I should.
I don't really know if I'm going anywhere with this, but I guess if I am this is what I'm thinking: I have to do my best, but I also have to recognize that my best without God's intervention will always fall short. My worst with God's intervention will still work, but I think God much less likely to intervene if I am not putting forth the effort. And honestly, it might be awhile before I can spend the kind of time I would like on sermons and bible studies and whatnot.
8.12.2010
The land between
I have been hearing a lot lately about a place between places. First at a leadership conference, then at a service in which my friend was playing percussion. Both sermons were about the difficulty of leaving a place that you knew wasn't the best, and journeying to a place that should be.
I think most of us have experienced that kind of pain. I knew I was supposed to be planting a church outside of the bible belt, but had to finish my seminary degree. I knew I wanted to marry Robin, but I had to wait for a proper wedding to be planned. When I was in high school I knew I wanted to be in college, but had to wait until after I graduated. And the list could go on. I have spent my entire life simply looking forward to the next event or thing that would make my life full.
And I think that approach is completely wrong. I think we are called to reject the very idea of a "land between." I know the best times of my life have been when I simply accepted those things which I could not affect and did my best to learn from them and live where I was.
That is what I think God is calling us to do. Forget about the destination, because until we die we won't make it there. Every time in our lives could be labeled "transition" and we think of every place we live a simple precursor to the great place in front of us.
But some things just aren't ready yet. The Israelites took 40 years to make an 11 day journey because they had much to learn in those 40 years. When we pretend that we are just biding our time until we are at a better place we completely discount the lessons and the growth that God has for us in those places. We are where we are, and sometimes we can't move ourselves. So we should learn to soak it in, be content and reject the idea that there is a perfect destination.
I think most of us have experienced that kind of pain. I knew I was supposed to be planting a church outside of the bible belt, but had to finish my seminary degree. I knew I wanted to marry Robin, but I had to wait for a proper wedding to be planned. When I was in high school I knew I wanted to be in college, but had to wait until after I graduated. And the list could go on. I have spent my entire life simply looking forward to the next event or thing that would make my life full.
And I think that approach is completely wrong. I think we are called to reject the very idea of a "land between." I know the best times of my life have been when I simply accepted those things which I could not affect and did my best to learn from them and live where I was.
That is what I think God is calling us to do. Forget about the destination, because until we die we won't make it there. Every time in our lives could be labeled "transition" and we think of every place we live a simple precursor to the great place in front of us.
But some things just aren't ready yet. The Israelites took 40 years to make an 11 day journey because they had much to learn in those 40 years. When we pretend that we are just biding our time until we are at a better place we completely discount the lessons and the growth that God has for us in those places. We are where we are, and sometimes we can't move ourselves. So we should learn to soak it in, be content and reject the idea that there is a perfect destination.
8.02.2010
Community is annoying
One of the main goals of our church is to be community. But the hard part about community is that at a certain point, every person in the world gets a bit annoying. Whether it is a way they ask questions, a way they drive, how they talk to you, what they wear, I dunno. At a certain point, the newness wears off, the friendship is comfortable, and something that that person does starts to get on your nerves a bit.
And I think that is one of the primary places that community happens. It is in recognizing that the person you are hanging out with is imperfect in many ways, that they are not always funny or cool or fun, and that they are just flat out pissing you off. To me, that is where and when community happens.
It happens in that decision to not be the jerk you are hiding deep inside, it happens in recognizing that you yourself are an arrogant know-it-all, and it happens in the place where you see them as a deeply flawed, annoying as hell, son or daughter of the living God. It is where you see in them a mirror that shines on you. And you are able to let go of the illusion that you are perfect and deserve a perfect community.
I am tempted next week at church to say something on the lines of "Welcome to Refuge Community Church, we are a deeply flawed, dysfunctional, strange family, and we would love to include you in what God is up to here." But everyone would probably be annoyed with me for that.
And I think that is one of the primary places that community happens. It is in recognizing that the person you are hanging out with is imperfect in many ways, that they are not always funny or cool or fun, and that they are just flat out pissing you off. To me, that is where and when community happens.
It happens in that decision to not be the jerk you are hiding deep inside, it happens in recognizing that you yourself are an arrogant know-it-all, and it happens in the place where you see them as a deeply flawed, annoying as hell, son or daughter of the living God. It is where you see in them a mirror that shines on you. And you are able to let go of the illusion that you are perfect and deserve a perfect community.
I am tempted next week at church to say something on the lines of "Welcome to Refuge Community Church, we are a deeply flawed, dysfunctional, strange family, and we would love to include you in what God is up to here." But everyone would probably be annoyed with me for that.
7.27.2010
Bigger, Stronger, Faster
The documentary by that title is pretty fascinating. Basically, this buff guy follows around these other buff guys and tries to figure out why everyone hates Barry Bonds.
Well, that's not exactly it, but it is about steroids. And it is about everyone's reaction to steroids. And it's about the myths of steroids. Basically, the guy making the documentary comes to the conclusion that 'roids are a great way to get much bigger, strong and faster without too much risk, as long as they are done correctly.
And I think in our churches we have subscribed to the same notion. We have started to believe it possible to build our churches bigger, stronger and faster. We are shocked if our numbers stay in double digits much more than a month or two. We expect giving to increase annually and if it doesn't something is wrong. We want larger buildings, better fleets, faster sermons and bigger communities.
Basically, we want it all supersized.
And that really pisses me off.
Churches should be built person by person, brick by brick. If you told someone building a house that they should be able to get more than one brick going at a time, they would think you probably hadn't built a house. And if you told Jesus that 12 disciples were good, but 200 are better, he probably wouldn't care much. He would know what the bricklayer knows. And that is that quality takes time. Quality takes care and it takes patience.
And if we want to build a better kind of church, if we are looking to build a better kind of community, then it should take time. Lives don't change overnight, at least not on average. Lives change step by step, hour by hour. They change one relationship at a time. And people come to right relationship with Jesus over time, one step at a time, one tough decision at a time.
So while the temptation is to fill the doors in any way possible, I think we have to eschew that for the slow, difficult process of helping each person that comes our way. We have to help them so that hopefully soon, they can start helping someone too. And then, we have two helping hands instead of one. Then people are able to multiply, and then we have a strong foundation of a church slowly built. And I believe the original 12 would say we were on to something. But we can't take too much credit, Jesus was onto it first.
Well, that's not exactly it, but it is about steroids. And it is about everyone's reaction to steroids. And it's about the myths of steroids. Basically, the guy making the documentary comes to the conclusion that 'roids are a great way to get much bigger, strong and faster without too much risk, as long as they are done correctly.
And I think in our churches we have subscribed to the same notion. We have started to believe it possible to build our churches bigger, stronger and faster. We are shocked if our numbers stay in double digits much more than a month or two. We expect giving to increase annually and if it doesn't something is wrong. We want larger buildings, better fleets, faster sermons and bigger communities.
Basically, we want it all supersized.
And that really pisses me off.
Churches should be built person by person, brick by brick. If you told someone building a house that they should be able to get more than one brick going at a time, they would think you probably hadn't built a house. And if you told Jesus that 12 disciples were good, but 200 are better, he probably wouldn't care much. He would know what the bricklayer knows. And that is that quality takes time. Quality takes care and it takes patience.
And if we want to build a better kind of church, if we are looking to build a better kind of community, then it should take time. Lives don't change overnight, at least not on average. Lives change step by step, hour by hour. They change one relationship at a time. And people come to right relationship with Jesus over time, one step at a time, one tough decision at a time.
So while the temptation is to fill the doors in any way possible, I think we have to eschew that for the slow, difficult process of helping each person that comes our way. We have to help them so that hopefully soon, they can start helping someone too. And then, we have two helping hands instead of one. Then people are able to multiply, and then we have a strong foundation of a church slowly built. And I believe the original 12 would say we were on to something. But we can't take too much credit, Jesus was onto it first.
7.26.2010
Why I am (usually) overwhelmed by God's goodness
Now, I have to throw in the (usually) in the title because, unfortunately I am sometimes so focused on my own personal wants or whatever that I forget the overwhelming goodness of God. But often at or before or after church I can't help but remember.
In an ideal world, I would only be employed by our church, I would be able to devote all my time to dreaming and thinking and studying and working on all those things. But this world is not that world. I don't have all kinds of time to devote to those things, notice my conspicuous absence from the blog scene all too frequently.
But even though I am not usually confident heading into church, somehow God regularly uses the words that I speak. It would be nice if it was due to some latent talent or incredible wit on my part, but truly neither of those things could change anyone. If I was the most talented speaker in the world, and if I had days and weeks to dream up clever and insightful things to say, at the end of it all only God can help people in the ways that they need. At the end, only God can effectively speak into people's hearts and minds.
None of that is to say that I am completely left out of the process. Not at all. The goodness of God is that he lets me help. He lets me be a coworker, albeit a vastly inferior one. I firmly believe that God, at his heart, is trinity. Because of that, God values community above all because he was community before everything else. He has invited us to take part in that community and that includes community work. In the community work, we labor to speak truth, to call to repentance, to laugh, cry and love well.
Sometimes I wish we would grow numerically more quickly, that God would bless us with hundreds, thousands overnight. But then I remember that my standards are not his, and my idea of success is a Porsche or a book deal. But God's kingdom is invisible, and his standard of success is simply: Did you love well?
Did you? Did we?
In an ideal world, I would only be employed by our church, I would be able to devote all my time to dreaming and thinking and studying and working on all those things. But this world is not that world. I don't have all kinds of time to devote to those things, notice my conspicuous absence from the blog scene all too frequently.
But even though I am not usually confident heading into church, somehow God regularly uses the words that I speak. It would be nice if it was due to some latent talent or incredible wit on my part, but truly neither of those things could change anyone. If I was the most talented speaker in the world, and if I had days and weeks to dream up clever and insightful things to say, at the end of it all only God can help people in the ways that they need. At the end, only God can effectively speak into people's hearts and minds.
None of that is to say that I am completely left out of the process. Not at all. The goodness of God is that he lets me help. He lets me be a coworker, albeit a vastly inferior one. I firmly believe that God, at his heart, is trinity. Because of that, God values community above all because he was community before everything else. He has invited us to take part in that community and that includes community work. In the community work, we labor to speak truth, to call to repentance, to laugh, cry and love well.
Sometimes I wish we would grow numerically more quickly, that God would bless us with hundreds, thousands overnight. But then I remember that my standards are not his, and my idea of success is a Porsche or a book deal. But God's kingdom is invisible, and his standard of success is simply: Did you love well?
Did you? Did we?
7.17.2010
Family
The other night at church we talked about family. Specifically, the new family of God. I think that our blood family, our flesh and blood, are usually meant to be temporary measures (other than marriage). I think parents are only called to be parents for enough time to get their kids out into the world. Then, those kids are responsible to God.
Now, this topic is both easy and difficult for me for the same reasons. It is easy because my dad gave up on parenting pretty early. I honestly didn't have much of a relationship with him. My mom kind of gave up the ghost on parenting because she could only focus on making enough to get us by. My sisters are both great people, and my grandma may be the kindest person I have ever known, but ultimately none of them could fulfill the role that I would need. And I think that is true for all of us. It was probably easier for me to grasp because of the unavoidable observation that my family fell pretty short, specifically my dad and mom.
But because of that, I filled the void with friends, and with Christian community. While I am still very poor at community, I have been blessed to recognize the ultimate importance of it. God himself is community, God exists in three persons in one, God created us for community, so it is in our very DNA. And though our DNA family may seem like an end, it is, in my opinion, there to serve a temporary role of teaching us that we belong with others. Idiotic shows like the Bachelorette exist because at their deepest, most vulnerable, people long to be in community. So much that they will attempt to marry people they met a few months ago.
And while it is easy for me to point out idiocy there, it exists in sports teams, nerd conventions (like comic-con) and watching dumb movies. I don't think we should give up all those things, but I do think we should recognize the underlying need that they are manifesting. We all want to be part of the team, we all want someone to love us, we all want someone to share our interests, because we are, in some strange way, an extension of the eternal trinity.
Now, this topic is both easy and difficult for me for the same reasons. It is easy because my dad gave up on parenting pretty early. I honestly didn't have much of a relationship with him. My mom kind of gave up the ghost on parenting because she could only focus on making enough to get us by. My sisters are both great people, and my grandma may be the kindest person I have ever known, but ultimately none of them could fulfill the role that I would need. And I think that is true for all of us. It was probably easier for me to grasp because of the unavoidable observation that my family fell pretty short, specifically my dad and mom.
But because of that, I filled the void with friends, and with Christian community. While I am still very poor at community, I have been blessed to recognize the ultimate importance of it. God himself is community, God exists in three persons in one, God created us for community, so it is in our very DNA. And though our DNA family may seem like an end, it is, in my opinion, there to serve a temporary role of teaching us that we belong with others. Idiotic shows like the Bachelorette exist because at their deepest, most vulnerable, people long to be in community. So much that they will attempt to marry people they met a few months ago.
And while it is easy for me to point out idiocy there, it exists in sports teams, nerd conventions (like comic-con) and watching dumb movies. I don't think we should give up all those things, but I do think we should recognize the underlying need that they are manifesting. We all want to be part of the team, we all want someone to love us, we all want someone to share our interests, because we are, in some strange way, an extension of the eternal trinity.
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