We will overcome. Right?

I have really been struggling lately. I think it is easy to quip and say that I am "under attack" or some other kind of trite saying, but honestly I have been incredibly discouraged. There is a t-shirt that says "Canada: They started a country and no one came." Well I keep wondering if our church is going to be the Canada church. I don't want to say these things out loud because I think the pastor should be strong, confident, he should know people will want to come because, why wouldn't they?!

But if I'm really honest, that is not how I am feeling right now. It is no one's fault, in particular. Robin is never anything but encouraging. Many of the people who have been with us from the beginning consistently reassure me. But the fact remains that sometimes I question if I am right for this. Did I make a big mistake? What if I let everyone down?

The fact of the matter is, I can't think of a more lonely position in the world than pastor. Maybe light house operator. Nicklecreek has that really sad song about that guy. But outside of those two, I can't think of a more lonely spot.

So when I wrestle with those types of thoughts, I have three people that I pull to mind to help me. They are not in my daily life any longer, but each made a profound impact on my desire to be a pastor and to plant churches.

The first is my childhood hero, Glenn. Glenn showed me how a man should behave, how a man should love, and how a pastor should live. He gave me guidance when I didn't give a damn about anything but having fun. Glenn would say something like "Bro, sometimes it just gets hard. But God gave you a job to do, and he wants you to do it. You will do great."

The second is my mentor from college, Andy. Andy showed me how to ask difficult questions, to wrestle with hard facts in life, to be thoughtful, but also to act. Andy helped me to see that there is another path in life other than the uberconservative, don't ask any questions of the man behind the curtain type of spiritual advisor. Andy would say something like "Hey man, I know its hard, but sometimes that is how you know you are doing what is right. Remember what Dumbledore always says."

The third is old man Rainey. My first Greek professor, and probably the kindest man I have ever known. He showed me the value of longevity, the desire to persevere, to keep fighting the good fight even though ministry sometimes rips your sould apart. Dr. Rainey would probably tell me something like, "Brother Chris! Read the first chapter of Jeremiah, and tell me if you are really all that alone in your trials."

So I did. Jeremiah 1.7,8 says "You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them (failure) for I am with you and will rescue you." And while God wasn't speaking directly to me when he had this written down, I know he intends it for me now. I know that if the biggest struggle I face is failure, then I have nothing on Jeremiah or Paul. I know that no matter how hard it gets, I am following a long line of people who had a hard time. It is easy to forget that, to think that no one will understand, but the fact is that that is why most of us end up lonely.

Near the end, John says in his apocalypse "He who overcomes will inherit all this (the realization of God's kingdom), and I will be his God and he will be my son." Gives hope, but it sure doesn't make it easier.