Binding up...

I wish things didn't have to hurt. I wish that when we had crisis of faith we could waive a wand and things would instantly be fixed. I wish that the bible worked like that, that we could simply quote Psalm 91 and God would have to heal us, emotionally, mentally and physically.

As weak as we are as human creatures, we generally think of our frailty in physical terms. Why can't I survive in space, why can't I breath under water, why can't I fly?

But I think if we consider the words of Jesus and the authors of the bible, we have to confront the fact that we are weak emotionally and spiritually, not really so much physically.

Earlier this week I was really discouraged, I was frustrated with God, with our church and with my life. I asked God why things don't turn around quickly, or why everything is so slow. I didn't really get much of a response. And the beat goes on.

But as I have reflected some, I remembered the words of CS Lewis that basically say that God shouts at us in pain. Maybe God had tried to speak to me in other avenues, maybe God was trying to fix me in other ways, maybe he came to the conclusion that the only way to wake me up was with some pain. And like a good surgeon, he will not stop cutting until the bad parts are gone. And it sucks.

So when I think about the words "Blessed are the brokenhearted" I have to wonder what strange masochist calls that a blessing. But in my myopic glare, I often forget that Jesus could say that because he himself was brokenhearted.

So, I don't know that there is any inherent value in suffering, but I do know that it is a byproduct of something else.

There is a wonderful part in the Harry Potter books when Harry is raging at Dumbledore. He tells him he doesn't want to love anymore, because he doesn't want to hurt anymore. He wants to just turn his back and quit. But the reason Harry is remarkable is because he can still love even though he has been hurt so badly. And I think that is why God allows us to have our hearts broken. He needs to know if we are committed to this love thing as he is. He feels every bit of the pain we do, but he has not quit on us. My hope is that I can continue even with the pain. My hope is that the one who was broken for me can somehow heal me in the same way.